i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
