Where did you get a picture of my penis
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
