Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
