I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
