Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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