To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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