when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
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