Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
