i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i think my cat just said my name.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
