i permit you to call me
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
