he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
