just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
