went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
