I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
