I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
