Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
