We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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