dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
