The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
