i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
