she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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