I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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