Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
