PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I can't turn off my feet"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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