I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
