Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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