Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
