hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
