I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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