dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
