would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
