You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
