He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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