a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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