The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
