i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
