You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
