That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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