I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
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I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
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It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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