He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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