don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
