U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We are all done wearing pants today
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
