You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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