he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
