I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
