i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
