Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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