finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
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Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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