I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
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He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
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The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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