this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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