if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
