dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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