Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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