he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
