Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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