The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
