Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
