i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm too high and old for this...
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