Only a mothe r could love this liver
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
