is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
