I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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