You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
