Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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