Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
