Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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