i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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