areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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