We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
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Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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