Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm too high and old for this...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
