and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
