TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
